Nakita Grinie

Neuroses

I suppose I've always been somewhat of a worrier. But seriously, being pregnant has brought out the freaking CRAZY side of me to the point that I annoy myself with my worries. When I start off any sentence with 'What if....' or 'I'm worried that.....' Nate immediately says, 'Oh here we go again, what is the worry of the hour?' And you know what? He's right. I have enough worries to freaking fill up the ocean. Some are so stupid and embarrassing that I almost want to laugh at myself. Some are probably very normal. And some are bordering on the over-dramatic.

I was contemplating my bundle of worries the other day and decided that since making lists makes me feel better, I should totally write out a 'quick list' of my current worries regarding this baby. Now please don't get me wrong... I would not trade this pregnancy for the world and I swear I'm enjoying it to the max. I really have surprised myself and love being pregnant (so far, at least). I would take a million more worries in exchange for the end result. It's totally worth it, my friends. I know how lucky I am to be here so please don't think I'm ungrateful.

HOWEVER, please read my 'quick' list below and tell me I'm not crazy. I could add to this puppy all night but I must stop here for now. Enjoy yourself!



About the baby....
1. Are you sure it doesn't have two heads? Anything else not completely normal I should know about?

2. I know everything I read says it is probably fine since it was before the baby got nutrients from me, but did those alcoholic bevs I consumed before my BFP really not matter?

3. What if the baby has colic....will I lose my mind?

4. OMG, are you SURE there is only one in there? Because the other night I swore I felt two simultaneous kicks on opposite sides of my stomach.

5. Please, God . Let me get one that sleeps at least a little bit of the time.

6. How many dirty diapers do newborns produce per day again? FRIGHTENING.

7. Babies need a lot of paraphernalia. How in the heck am I supposed to know what to choose when I've never done this before? So overwhelming. Also, where in the heck am I supposed to store all of this crap? You know I hate hoarding and clutter.



The financials
1.CAN WE AFFORD THIS? (my head is exploding right now)

2. Will we blow our nice future 'down payment' nest egg on the baby?

3. Dude, if I'm neurotic about money now when we DON'T pay for daycare, how will I remain sane afterward?

4. Will I drive Nate completely insane with my financial (and every other) worries?




The Stupid Superficial:
1. Will my hips spread permanently after pushing a bowling ball through my pelvis? If so, will I never fit into my skinny jeans again?

2. Stretch marks?!?!

3. Please God, do not let my face balloon up like a swollen sausage. I just hate when my face is fat (ie every picture from my semester spent in Spain)

4. Will I ever be able to run at a decent pace again? Will I ever have time to train for my second full marathon?

5. Dude, my boobs were small to begin with. Is it true they become like flat pancakes after pregnancy and nursing? Because I'm totally screwed, then.

6. Will I automatically become that haggard mom who neglects herself? As in mom jeans, horrible hair, and bad skin? I don't want to be that mom but I'm afraid it happens without warning.




The (tip of the iceberg) parenting concerns:
1. Will I be a good mother?

2. Will my child resent me later in life? How bad will it suck to raise a teenager, anyway? I think it was pretty rough BEING one, let alone being responsible for one.

3. Will we totally screw the kid up to the point of no return?

4. What if Nate and I let our marriage slip to the wayside as we focus on being parents? I love our marriage right now and sometimes I don't want it to change.

5. Will we also let our social lives die, lose touch with all of our friends and hobbies, just to be parents? No!!! I no likey.



Post-Partum worries
1. Will I get Post-Partum Depression? (It does run in my family)

2. Will my 12 week maternity leave go WAY too fast, and will I spend the whole time worrying about it going WAY too fast?

3. How bad is it going to suck to drop my newborn off at a daycare full of strangers....full time....while dropping mad cash in this facility? Will it be too much to handle?

4. How bad is it going to suck to work full time, always thinking about my newborn baby while I'm away? Will I be a jealous wench of anyone NOT in my position? Will I shut myself off from anyone who doesn't have to work full time and put their kids in daycare?

5. Will Nate be too stressed with taking finals and being in school to enjoy being a parent in those first few months?

6. Will it be too hard to be 8 hours away from my Mom?



That whole delivery thing....
1. Dear God, I have no idea what's coming to me, do I?

2. What if I push for a whole year and nothing happens? Has that ever happened in the history of mankind?

3. What if my entire lower half of my body tears into two pieces. Is that possible?

4. Pooping on the table sounds like fun...or totally awful.

5. I know it's really really rare, but what if I die during the delivery?

6. What if my baby has a prolapsed cord/other issues and doesn't make it through delivery?

7. How bad is recovery going to blow?

8. Won't it ruin our mattress if my water breaks in our bed? (Mattresses are too expensive to ruin one with disgusting internal fluids!)



The completely, utterly, ridiculous
1. What if our baby is a hermaphrodite (this is probably just on my list because I'm reading the book Middlesex right now)?

2. What if I let the house cleaning go to the wayside so badly that massive amounts of dust accumulate and it makes our whole family fatally ill? Is that possible?

3. How in the heck will I have time to hand wash our stupid dishes with a baby? Will our entire kitchen become unusable due to dirty dishes? I SO want a dishwasher more than ever. Or maybe just disposable plates will do...

4. Will we forget about our first born baby, Henry? Will he hate us forever for having a baby?

5. What if we get a Milwaukee blizzard on the day I deliver and then we can't make it to the hospital in time and the baby is born in the back seat of the car? I will be SO pissed at Mother Nature then....you have no idea.


See? I told you it was a lot of worries.

As my mom told me during the first few weeks of my pregnancy, the worrying never really goes away. That is just a part of being a parent. Heck, my parents probably still worry about me {and maybe after reading that list they are rightfully worried about my mental health? :) } and I'm 28 years old. So I guess it makes sense that from the moment of seeing that positive pregnancy test, you become a mom and start with the worries.

Just getting them out in words makes me feel better already. Whew.

And I hope I'm not the only one with neuroses like these. Whether you are a mom, pregnant, or not there yet....perhaps all women have some of these same concerns? (I hope).