Nakita Grinie

Today, I'm thirty-four years old. I'm 'in my thirties' as Nate says. It's all relative, of course, but I feel both young and old on any given day, or at any given hour of the day.

I've definitely entered the phase in life when I forget how to answer the question, 'How old are you?' I reflexively want to say 'Thirty,' but apparently the last four years have blurred together more than I knew. Where is the pause button? I need one of those for my birthday this year.

I do know that life at thirty-four is pretty fantastic. By no means do I feel like I have everything figured out, but I am starting to feel the wisdom I've earned in the past ten years. Experiences, changes, growth, an evolution of me. Was that deep enough for you? I'm happy, healthy, and loved by the best family and friends. I know my twenty-four year old self would be pleased.

Ten years ago I was getting ready to start my clinical rotations for my Masters degree. I was dating Nate, living in St. Louis, and preparing to be an adult in the real world. I vaguely remember this time in my life but not in great detail and hindsight tells me that life was much simpler, with less responsibilities. But there was so much unknown ahead of me back then, so much potential. I'm sure I could feel the electricity of it all--would we get married? Have kids? Where would we live? Would I like my career choice? I'm not sure how far I looked into the future but I think I understood the possibilities were endless.

Today I am married to Nate for nearly eight years, we moved from MO to WI to start our next chapter together, I have three of his beautiful children, a dog, a house, a job, a mini-van, and we are totally adults. Auto insurance, life insurance, home owners insurance, medical insurance, taxes, 401ks....responsibilities, man. We have them. The boring parts of being an adult that nobody really prepared me for are always there, gently reminding us that we aren't kids anymore.

And that's fine by me. Those kids of ours. This marriage. Our amazing family. Supportive friends. Life at age thirty-four is awesomely humbling sometimes, especially when I really take a breath, take a step back, and truly look at it all. Sometimes I can step outside of the daily grind, the nap schedules, the toys strewn across the floor, the laundry, the kisses goodnight, the phone calls from work, and the persistent To Do list. And when I get that moment of clarity, that's when it hits me how truly blessed my thirty-four years have been. Of course there have been hard times. But right now? Now is a great time in life.

I still feel like there are so many unknowns ahead of me in the next ten years. So much potential. This is an exciting time and yet, one that is decidedly more settled and comfortable. Full of responsibility but full of routine, and laughter, and sleep, and intense happiness right along side the intense frustrations.

Thirty-four years old, wow. I'm celebrating with a full day at work (again: adult), then Truman and Cecelia's first soccer practice tonight (again: a mom). But we made the whole weekend a birthday celebration, so I suppose the day-of can be completely ordinary. Nate and I went out for a date night on Saturday, we had a big salmon dinner with Nate's parents on Sunday, and I felt the love all weekend. There were fancy store-bought cupcakes, forced pictures with our offspring, presents and candles.

My helpers.


It's not a family picture without a nose picker!


Real, real life. Blurry, but happy.


YUM.


'All I want for my birthday is a picture with the kids.' Ah, yes.


Cheer up, boys!


It was a good try.


Thirty-four, 'in my thirties', and feeling reflective with another birthday under my belt. Thankful for each and every year.

First time I'm late with a weekly post for the third baby? Not too shabby! I have a good excuse anyway. We had a big weekend with visitors, then the day after they left (Monday), our seventh anniversary happened on the same day I technically hit 34 weeks (Tuesday). My mom and Memaw also arrived that night for visitors round two. And then CC's second birthday came on Wednesday and we are planning her big party for this upcoming weekend.  I figured all of the big occasions in the past week warrants a later than usual weekly pregnancy post. So many fun things happening right now. I love summer!

5.27.14: Thirty Four Weeks



Geesh, only six more weeks to go? Definitely feeling like I'm nearing the end of pregnancy---and feeling all of the nostalgia and exhaustion that goes along with it.

We had a super active and amazing weekend last weekend with Erin visiting us (post to follow someday, mark my words, but until then you should follow that link on her name for her recap--it's the best!) and I was pleasantly surprised with how much energy I had for jam-packed days and warmer weather. Don't get me wrong: I was wiped out every night and especially after our first round of visitors left, but I felt like I could hang with many of the walking activities, playgrounds, and very little 'down time'. I did have timeable, crampy contractions in the middle of last week which totally freaked me out. But luckily nothing like that since because it's way too early for that nonsense! I have regular Braxton Hicks contractions with almost any physical activity, especially bending down or carrying a child. Fine by me as long as they aren't crampy and regularly spaced!

I also lost my voice and apparently have a little bit of laryngitis or something---really annoying, since I am not 'sick' but cannot speak above a whisper. Maybe I just talked too much over the weekend?

I'm counting down the days until I'm done working for maternity leave. Fifteen more work days, in case you were wondering. Yesssssss. Feeling like flip flopping my roles at home and at work, along with being pregnant and the summer weather finally arriving is a LOT to deal with. But still, time is flying by and I'll often find myself in denial that I'm *this* close to having our baby!

(From last weekend, with my 'pregnant with our third baby' friends. Both of these lovely ladies were almost 26 weeks here and I was almost 34 weeks. I say this every time I post one of these pictures but it's so fun to share our pregnancies together)



The top of my belly is hurting lately, as if it's just stretching and changing by the minute. But overall I still feel fairly 'small' compared to a lot of other 34 week-ers out there, and yet really 'big' compared to my past 34 week self. It's just so round and compact---still getting a lot of shocked comments that I'm due so soon, but I truly don't even remember them specifically anymore.

I do love my belly though and (don't hate me) still love pregnancy as a whole. It's just so freaking awesome, such a miracle, so WEIRD to think about growing a tiny human inside of my own body right now. The anticipation of meeting him is almost killing me. I.Cannot.Wait.

(yes, I had this picture in our anniversary post, but I like it enough to post twice)



He's still a big mover in there and I can tell where his hard little butt is most of the time (right side) and lots of pointy limbs are sticking out at me through the day. I am officially at the 'must rub my belly at all times' stage just because it's so wild to feel this child.



At 34 weeks with Truman: I was starting to get a little nervous about labor and delivery, and didn't know that the next day after that post, I would spike my blood pressure and the drama would begin with Pre-E. Awww, poor Julia of the past. That really did suck! Obviously, it all worked out just fine but it was pretty scary for the last 4 weeks (!!) until Truman was born at 38 weeks (!!). Woah. That's crazy to consider.

At 34 weeks with Cecelia: I was feeling a little anxious just because of my first pregnancy issues at this point, but was still loving pregnancy overall. I wasn't feeling all that hungry and I guess I'm really not this time, either. I'm thirsty as can be with temperatures finally getting into the 70s consistently but food isn't as much fun as it used to be. The horror. Loving all fruit and definitely obsessed with my flavored/carbonated waters (ie basically diet soda but without the caffeine). I had one that was a pear/peach flavor and about died from how yummy it tasted. Must get more asap.

Belly comparison time! Very pointy third time around, I guess.


Also: I really miss beer right now, mostly because I love carbonation bubbles when pregnant. I honestly haven't missed alcohol in many, many weeks. But hot weather and a cold wheat beer? Sigh. Soon!!

No major waves of dread or fear about labor itself yet and honestly, I'm mostly just excited to have this baby here with us. I hope we make it to the hospital on time and I hope I get an amazing epidural and all goes well, obviously. But when I think about his birthday, I get butterflies in my stomach and figure that I'll remember the mind-numbing pain soon enough. It will suck but it will be so freaking awesome, at the same time.

I try not to think about how much of an adjustment it will be to have three children but this is something weighing heavily on my mind lately. Whenever I feel super tired and lack patience with my two current kids, I wonder, 'Am I really cut out for three? Will we all go bat sh** crazy with the addition of one more?' Basically, I'm trying to think positively and also enjoy the calm before the storm. I have no real expectations going into this big transition: no clue if I will get a good baby or a tough one. I don't pretend to know what it's like to have three kids and am not saying it will be easy AT ALL. It will probably be extremely overwhelming for a bit, just like it's been for the other two kids in our lives. But, if I've learned anything, I know that kids grow up and change SO QUICKLY that it's not worth stressing out about all of the potential stumbling blocks having a third baby just yet.  It will be hard, yes. It was hard before and life is sometimes hard now (although getting easier and more settled each month as the kids get bigger). It will be a 'different' hard and all of that. So I will enjoy having 'just' two little hooligans to run me ragged and will embrace the chaos the best I can once mister man adds to it all. Because honestly, excitement is the biggest emotion I'm feeling right now. Not fear.

So there you have it: ramblings about how I'm feeling good and mostly just excited to move forward into the next six weeks and beyond. I'm tired and happy and there have been so many fun occasions in the last week.