Nakita Grinie

When I have a client in my counseling office that seems stuck in a rut, we talk about action.

We discuss what they can do differently, how they can think differently, and how those changes would influence different feelings.

Thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are related. I've previously discussed that concept here.

With that thought in mind, I am happy to introduce a monthly box geared towards tween and teenage girls:

the iBbeautiful box

I received one ibBeautiful box for review purposes. 
All opinions are my own, and I was not compensated in any other way.

"iBbeautiful's mission is to help young girls realize they are beautiful just as they are without comparisons to how others look or act. We do this by offering a monthly box of inspiration that includes fun lifestyle items and a message of empowerment to help young girls be confident, smart, brave, unique and kind. Every girl should be confident that she will become the woman she is meant to be and can achieve anything she sets her mind to."

Visit their website at: http://www.ibbeautiful.com/

I love the idea of encouraging girls to think positively about themselves!

Thinking positively will help them feel empowered, which will influence daily actions of curiosity, strength, and kindness. A confident girl is also less likely to visit my counseling office.
(When I think back on my previous teenage counseling clients, higher self-esteem was on all their goal charts.)

How does iBbeautiful work?

iBbeautiful sends a monthly box with trendy items and positive messages for a tween or teenage girl to enjoy.  What girl wouldn't like to receive hand-picked specialty items?


I especially like the message of their November box - to be, rather than wish.
I believe this message encourages action towards self-confidence. When I finish my maternity leave and go back to counseling appointments next year, I want to frame this quote card for my desk.

In addition to the inspirational messages about self-acceptance, the iBbeautiful box also contained:

-Two's Company Ugg Lip Gloss
-Flappy Mittens
-Curly Eraser Pencil
-Pink House Suede Buckle Bracelet
-Felt Tote
-Stretch Tattoo Choker



I was excited to receive this box of goodies, and I know that if I were back in middle school or high school I'd be super excited. I can totally see the younger me rocking the tattoo choker down the hallway with the felt Fox tote hanging from my backpack. I imagine writing notes to my friends with the curly pencil, while casually applying the Ugg lip gloss during class. The mittens would let me text with ease, and the buckle bracelet would be my unique accessory; no one else at school would have one!

I like the idea that a girl can feel unique and special each month after opening her box. She has her own trendy accessories, unlike everyone else around her. The more she feels confident about her looks, the more her inner self-esteem will grow (and vice-versa.) That is why I also appreciate the inspirational messages in the box. The more she feels confident inside, the more she will glow on the outside.

And even though the box is crafted specifically for tween and teenage girls, my toddler loved the items too. Grace wore the belt bracelet around the house for hours. She also enjoyed hiding the Ugg lip gloss in the felt Fox tote.



To help reach all the girls that could benefit from this wonderful monthly box, iBbeautiful is sponsoring a giveaway! Stay tuned for more information!

Recently I was asked to participate in a book tour for Mothers of the Village, by author C.J. Schneider. Reading this book was perfect timing, and her words were a comfort and a blessing for me personally. "The research is clear: since the beginning of womankind, mothering has been a communal effort. . . So many mothers feel like something is out of joint, something is missing, and maybe the truth is that we are all just missing each other." Keep reading below!

In Mothers of the Village, Schneider details through historical and personal accounts why women need to associate with other women. Women, mothers, grandmothers - we need each other! As she described her journey through early marriage and motherhood, she lovingly relates stories of women that influenced her to grow and mature. The lessons she learned from women all around the world made a lasting impact on her development as a person and mother.

Schneider describes close mother groups contrasted with bouts of isolation as she moved around the world with her small family, and in her hindsight wisdom she teaches about the importance of close-knit circles of supportive women. This is where her book almost moved me to tears. I need to expand my circle!

Something about today's modern women movement lends towards isolation. The "I can do it on my own" ideology can make women feel as if they cannot reach out for help or share their struggles. Admittedly, I have those thoughts too. Last week I was super sick. The kids and I all shared a stomach bug that wiped us out. By Thursday night, the kids seemed to be over the sickness, but I was a wreck. I couldn't keep anything in my stomach, not even water. As I laid on the bathroom floor puking my guts out at 1:00am, I wondered who I could possibly ask for help. Most of my friends already have kids, and who would want to expose their healthy family to my kids in order for me to rest? My friends with no children work during the day, so I couldn't ask them either. My husband wanted to stay home with me, but he had a full load at work; plus he was training new employees that week. Laying on the bathroom floor, sick to my stomach, with tears down my cheek, I felt very alone. The next day, I mothered from my bed. Luckily, the kids were content to play around the house in their pajamas as I migrated between my bed and the couch to watch them. During nap time, I opened Mothers of the Village, and I felt her words tug at my heart, "I need open my struggles up to a circle."

Why is hard for mothers to open and share their struggles with the world? I tend to keep my struggles inward, even though I'm sure my bad days are similar to all the other women I associate with. We all have bad days, and yet we hold it together alone, and we deny other people the opportunity to help us. Is it fear of judgement? Is it fear of mommy-shaming? Schneider talks about these issues in her book. Women need their close circles; they need the comfort that comes from opening up and sharing their lives with family and friends who are probably in the same boat of alone-ness.

During my bouts of pregnancy morning sickness, I kept to myself and suffered in silence. If I had asked, I know other women would have babysat my kids for an hour or two, but I closed myself off. When I shared some of my tips for parenting through morning sickness, one close friends seemed sad and said she wished she had known I had felt so crummy. Immediately, I felt guilty that I had denied her loving service, simply by never telling her my truth. I missed the opportunity for her to serve me, and her generous spirit would have comforted me during those rough days.

In Mothers of the Village, Schneider talks about historical groups of women that worked together and lived communally. Generations of women taught each other, learned from each other, and raised their children together in Mayan milpas, Iroquois longhouses, and other tribal bands. The families stayed close together, and the strong bonds between families helped women feel confident and helped children grow strong. Schneider also related examples from Filipino and Mexican cultures where the families sacrificed together and showed love through service to each other. Family support should be a part of the child-rearing experience, Schneider seems to assert, but where distance separates families, close friends are necessary.

This review cannot contain all the gems of wisdom in Mothers of the Village, yet it's message is clear. Women need each other. Let down your walls of fear, and open up to each other. Serve your friends in order to know them, and accept their loving service in return. Parenting is a blessing and a joy, but during the difficult times, reach out for comfort from your circle of support. A village is necessary to nurture a happy mother, and when mothers are confident, families succeed.

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