Tuesday, January 31, 2017
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Half Marathon Number Five An Experiment
At some point this summer, I said to Nate:
"Let's do a half marathon again this fall. Somewhere in town this time so that we don't have to drive for an hour or more. And maybe the kids and your parents could even watch us for once."
Enter the Brewers Half Marathon (I refuse to call it by it's real name of 'mini marathon' because it was 13.1 miles, nothing miniature about that!). Starts and stops at the baseball stadium, close to home, great time of year. SOLD.
So we trained for about 13 weeks again, which wasn't too bad coming off the half we did in the spring. Long weekend runs were fine, weekday runs were always a little hard to come by and usually achieved at 5 am. I admitted to Nate that I was getting kind of bored with running and ready for this race to be over, instead of being super excited for it like usual. After all, as our fifth half it's hardly a 'new' thing at this point and our last three halves have all been sub-two hours. I didn't really know if we could top that time and honestly, didn't care that much anymore. I had already proven to myself that I can still run as a 'mom of two' and it's just getting a bit monotonous.
Then the running gods heard me complaining about boredom and I was blessed with a sickness starting on Thursday night. During my last short run I started to feel kind of achey and sluggish. After we did our packet pick up that night, I felt honestly ill. Fever, aches, chills, a sore throat. I could not even eat custard with my family---the horror. And then some dizziness and general discontent that had me really worried about working on Friday AND doing the run on Saturday. Ibuprofen seemed to help a bit and so did a shower, so I tried to think positive.
(pics from packet pick up---kids loved the stadium!)
Friday morning I woke up and felt awful. I fought back a few tears (the first of many) as I carried CC downstairs (who has slept WONDERFULLY for the past two nights since I posted, hallelujah). I just couldn't believe I was still sick and achey and fatigued. I took a shower and popped some more Ibuprofen and prayed to God that I could get through part of my day. It's always such a hassle when I have to reschedule Friday patients---and once I got going and distracted, I was ok. I crashed on the couch at the end of the day instead of doing paperwork before I got the kids. And that night I still felt crummy although I pushed myself again and went to a friends' house for pizza that night. You know there is something really wrong with me when I can't eat a single bite of pizza and I turn down beer. SAD.
I went to bed at 8:30 on Friday night and was, again, near tears. I just KNEW I wouldn't be able to run the next day. There was just no way unless a small miracle happened. I couldn't even really stand up at this point and walking up our stairs had me winded. I had eaten next to nothing and had nowhere near the amount of water I need for a pre-race day.
When my alarm went off at 5 am on Saturday, I assessed the situation. My throat still hurt but I was not achey!!! I felt tired, of course, but the joint aches and dizziness seemed to be gone. So I scurried around and prepped my bib number, ate breakfast, and continued to pray. I told Nate that I didn't want to hold him back but I was going to run today---while still listening to my body. If I needed to jog slowly or even walk, I knew I had to do that. I still couldn't even believe I was going to attempt this given my state yesterday but I really did feel better. Not 100% but better. Nate said we would see how it went but we agreed we'd still like to run together.
My in-laws came to our house at 6am and both kids were still asleep (!!) so we gave them the run down on the double BOB and breakfast. They would plan to meet us at the finish line just to avoid the chaos of attempting a mid-race meet up spot. I was really giddy thinking about our spectators coming to cheer us on and hoped I wouldn't be barrel rolled by Nate at that point, just to get us to the finish line.
Before we arrived at the start line I had one 'episode' in a port-a-potty that was rather traumatizing. 'Oh man, I hope I'm not still sick...or getting the kids' stomach bug from last week.' Probably just nerves. And I began to pump myself up for 13.1 miles---since I hadn't really been focused on this race until right now, not knowing if I would even be capable of trying the night before.
They played some old-school techno music that reminded me of my Spain semester (Darude Sandstorm, anyone?) and I started to get really excited. I still didn't want to worry about time at all and was just hoping that I could keep up with Nate and not slow him down. After a few selfies, we were off!
By mile 2, I started to mentally freak out a bit. 'One mile at a time, just chill out, your body is fine and can do this.'
By mile 3, I told myself 'just another 10 mile run like last weekend.' And I decided that I wanted to
Hills. There were so many EFFING hills even though the course was supposed to be 'very flat.' HA. No. The hilliest I've run, I think. Nate was chatting to me most of the time and as fellow PTs, you know our favorite past time in a running race is to analyze the gait pattern of those in front of us. Right? (Nerd alert)
At mile 6, Nate took a gel and the thought totally disgusted me and made me feel nauseated. I ate the last few gummy energy snack things I had in my fanny pack instead and took a little longer at the water stop this time. I saw the 10k sign and marveled at the idea of being totally finished running right now. The thought sounded like heaven. This is also when I declared that I was taking a mega-nap today, no matter what.
At mile 7, I was struggling. Nate forced me to take his remaining Strawberry-Kiwi gel. Totally nasty but he promised it would help. I didn't feel 'sick' but was just so tired. No energy. No reserves. I was just pushing my body on an empty tank and it was not happy. I told Nate he could definitely go up ahead of me and he said, 'I'll stick with you.' Love that man. We chugged along.
Miles 8-10 are a blur. I know I saw an older runner sitting down at an aid station getting his blood pressure checked, looking really out of sorts. 'Oh, God. Don't let that be me next!' I wanted to see my babies for a little pick me up and told Nate as much. I started thinking about how if my body can birth those two beautiful beings (during labors when I also thought I was going to die) it could surely run just three more miles. Comparing labor to running will never get old for me.
Shortly after mile 10, Nate asked me, 'Do you think we could push it to make sub-two?' My first reaction was 'Hell no, just go without me, I'm about to croak,' but then he said, 'It's not that far off. Only a little faster.' And somehow I picked up the pace just a bit but still didn't believe in my heart we could come in that fast. I hadn't looked at our pace at all this race but it felt like running in quick sand, so I was a little baffled when Nate thought we could even attempt a sub-two again.
Hills. More hills. More mental anguish. 'As soon as we see the kids, I will let Nate go on without me. I want to see them together so they aren't confused. But then that's it. Mommy is done running and will walk a bit.' All of my thoughts centered around when I would allow myself to walk. But of course, we didn't see them until mile 12. After another big hill and as we were passing another runner being evaluated by the medical team (scary).
I first spotted Lois sitting on a curb, then Truman standing next to her. Tony was standing and holding CC and everyone was looking so freaking adorable. I yelled to them and waved, Truman saw us and jumped up moving to the BOB. Then he pulled out this sign---it looked like a giant white board or something. It turned out to be a white tupperware lid for a storage bin spray painted by some of my left over pink 'birthday' paint. Genius, Tony! It said 'Julia Nate' and on the back, as T flipped it over, 'C and T love you'. OMG. Seriously. Truman was so stinking proud of the sign---I couldn't get the image of him running to get it and show it to us out of my mind. All four of them looked happy to see us and proud---well, CC looked really confused but the others were excited.
Next we started doing a lap around the stadium parking lot. SO CLOSE now. As we finished that lap we saw our crew again---Truman with his beloved sign, and this time CC might have even seen us. Nate's parents were cheering and taking pictures. I nearly forgot about how horrible I felt and even got a little burst of energy for a second. We ran into the actual stadium now and did a lap around the field as tons of spectators sat in the stands. They were filming the runners coming in on the jumbo-tron and I just kept thinking about how running on this dirt was dangerous for wobbly legs like mine. Nate seemed to be sprinting at this point and I was right on his heels.
Then we saw mile marker 13. Thank. The. Lord. A tenth of a mile. This is when Nate sprinted even harder and kept looking at his watch so I knew we were close to the two hour mark. I did not care. I sprinted as much as I could because I wanted to be finished as badly as Nate. But I had no more energy and did the best I could, so I was totally fine when he got ahead of me by a few seconds at the very end. I would put money on the fact that the last 0.1 was actually more like 0.25. For real. It was forever.
But that finish line? Glorious. The timer on top said 2:01:45 and I knew our start was about 1:45 after the gun. Oh man, it would be close. But who cares? It was over. Nate and I hugged and grabbed a ton of amazing post-race food (most of mine went to our kids) like cookies, bananas, chips, granola bars, chocolate milk, and water. We saw the crew again after the finish line and came around to the outside of the gate so we could really chat. Oh, Truman was so proud of us. It's almost too much.
Our spectators were amazing. Having the kids there at mile 12 was a god send. As was my husband. Although I wanted him to go ahead of me many times (starting at about mile 3, actually) I'm certain that if he had left me behind I would have finished about 30 minutes slower. He was my pacer and my rock and kept giving me pep talks at the end. Half marathons are so much fun. Always worth the training.
We got our final times later in the day. Nate: 1:59:57 and Julia 2:00:06. HA! So glad Nate got his sub-two and am actually really freaking satisfied with my time, too. I have no idea how I did it. In the spring Dizzy and I got 1:59 and Nate got 2:01 or something, so this was a warranted trade-off.
As we were sitting in the parking lot outside of the finish line I realized that my stomach hurt. 'We need to go,' I said. We started walking and I knew something was not right. After stopping very shortly to chat with Andrea, Lois and I took the kids to my car while the guys took Nate's car home. As soon as we got to my car I knew it was going to happen. I have not thrown up in YEARS and my god, it's the worst. I found a relatively private 'hot coals only' barrel and squatted down next to it. Immediately I felt a little better but still pretty rough. Lois asked if I was ok to drive and I don't think the kids even noticed. I somehow made it home alive and was ever-so-grateful that Lois was with me once we got home.
Because thus began my frequent trips to the bathroom. Not for more puke, thank goodness, but for another 'problem'. I think I have successfully emptied my body of all nutrients at this point and have basically just laid on the couch all.day.long. Aside from one glorious shower, a 10 minute stint outside with CC, and an over-zealous attempt at vacuuming, it's been a lazy freaking day.
At first I assumed I pushed my body too hard and my GI system was making me pay for the race. But now I think this is the stomach bug my kids had last week---starting with a fever, progressing to the gut. I'm telling myself that I'd still be laying on the couch if I chose not to run today so it's a good thing I did;) I'm really not that hard core or anything, or that much of a competitor that I ran while feeling pukey/stomach rumblings. Had that happened during the race, I think I would have waved the white towel. Somehow I was spared for those two hours....and am paying for it now. At least there was a gap in the sickness and I only felt like I was running with lead in my shoes. I can handle being tired a lot better than having an actual stomach bug, but having a fever is still the worst in my eyes. Those body aches make me want to cry every time!
So this was an experiment: can a body recover from a day of not eating much or drinking enough water to run a half the next day? Well, I finished the race in a surprisingly good time. But my body does hate me, possibly even without the 13.1 miles I put it through today.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat, though. As long as I only felt truly sick-sick before and after the run---not during. And I'd have to have my pacer with me, and those spectators. Yes, I'm sure we will do our sixth half someday. Today solidified my statement that I will NEVER do another full marathon as long as my children are small, though. No way. *That* seems insane to me right now;)
(typed from the couch, resting my weary legs and innards)
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Monday, January 30, 2017
photoshop is fun
So I said I wasn't going to play around with editing just yet....but I lied. I'm sure many of you read The Pioneer Woman's blog, right? Did you know she has two sets of FREE Photoshop actions? Freaking amazing.
I must preface this: I have no clue what I'm doing and I am quite sure some of these are not supposed to be run at 100% opacity. And still, it's just so fun. I like playing.
Photoshop editing + learning the manual setting on my camera = dorky fun had by all. And yes, this is how I spent my Friday night...so what? I'm old you know.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
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Moms Make it Work Anne from California
Thank you Julia for letting me participate in this series. I reached out to her after following along and reading everyone stories, and thought that my story would be fun to share. As I write this edit, I am currently on my second week of maternity leave and am impatiently awaiting the arrival of baby number three. I hope by the time this is published she will already be here!
Once again, thank you so much Julia for letting me share my crazy chaotic story.
About me:
Hi everyone. I'm Anne, a wife to Jason, Mommy to Keane (4 years), Gehrig (2.5 Years) and Marra (due April 9). I am an occasional when-I-have-time, make-time-for-it-blogger on Our Adventures In Lala Land and Beyond, and post lots of pics of my kiddos on instragram @mianlwls.
Besides being a wife and mommy, I am a TV photo publicist (a creative department/marketing function) for a major TV and Movie studio. As with lots of people in Los Angeles, I also have a side gig as a wanna be actor with who auditions for commercials mostly, and day player roles here and there.
What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And now where are you?
I attended UC San Diego, where I changed majors 3-4 times, before ultimately going back to being a theater major with a minor in psychology. My last semester included a class called "The Business of Acting" which basically prepped me for how to tackle the acting world when I got to Los Angeles. However, now looking back at it, it failed to train us for how to support ourselves while pursuing acting careers if we weren't trust fund babies.
Three months after I graduated, I worked for a very small production company where I worked as a receptionist for three months. Shortly after that, I got another offer asking me if I was interested in working as a set production assistant on a movie called LIFE AS A HOUSE. Since I wasn't thrilled with my position as a receptionist, I promptly left and started working on that set.
When that gig ended, I pursued acting full time. As all actors in Los Angeles do, I waited tables to support myself in between looking for agents, going to auditions, and going to acting class. I managed to do some extra work, nabbed my first agent, auditioned for A LOT of things, and booked a few, did some student films, and got my membership to the Screen Actors Guild. I did all the things you're supposed to do to work your way into the the business. Also fulfilling my pre-reqs as an actor in LA, I was pretty much a starving artist living pay check to pay check.
My starving artists headshots back in the day when they still did them in black and white, and needed physical headshots. Everything is now in color and submitted digitally.
Four years into my acting pursuits, my husband moved to California from the East Coast as he had always wanted to live in Los Angeles. We met 3 weeks later, and the rest is history! When it became established that he was the one, it also changed my acting endeavors slightly as I knew that the starving artist lifestyle was not going to work, especially if starting a life and family with him was the plan.
Our Early days
A year after we started dating, I left my server position which I had for 3 years and started working as a TV photo publicist for the studio I currently work for. It was a job in the industry that I loved (entertainment), but in a capacity that I never even knew existed and thankfully enjoyed. My husband happened to start working for the same company as well, but more on that later.
I also managed to grab a new commercial agent at the same time I started my new job. I discovered that I could have a "regular" job and still audition during my lunch breaks. Who knew? The job provided the salary and benefits that I needed and had been neglecting while pursuing acting. Insurance, 401k, AND pension, you know, all that grown up stuff that matters. It also turns out that so many people in the office that I spoke to were aspiring actors, screenwriters, directors, and some have managed to succeed in their dream and leave the day job. I was in good company, and still am. Had I known about this sooner I probably would've gone this way as opposed to the server, struggling artist route.
After dating for 4 years, we got married in 7/7/2007 (yes we were one of those couples). Not to long after that, we started our family.
Post wedding gondola ride where I tried really hard not to fall asleep.
We always wanted three kids. I was already 31 when we got married and was paranoid about fertility, and didn't want to wait too long. Had we been younger I probably would've waited a little longer to get more of the financial stuff in order, but I didn't want to regret waiting to have money stuff settled and "perfect" and find out that I had fertility issues. With my age paranoia always around, we started trying for a family after our first anniversary. Then in October 2009, our first son Keane was born.
First family picture with Keane in the NICU.
Nineteen months after having Keane, we had our second baby, Gehrig.
Brothers meeting for the first time.
Our first photo as a family of four.
Then I took a 2 year breather from being pregnant and a one year break from nursing. My biological clock was continuously ticking in my ear during that hiatus. We had decided after having Gehrig that we were going to start trying for our third child the month I turned 37, and well, happy birthday to me! July 2013 ended with a positive pregnancy test, and we are expecting our baby girl, Marra, within the next few weeks.
Expecting baby #3!
22 weeks pregnant
34 weeks
The boys giving some love to their baby sister. (35 weeks)
My husband and I had always agreed that I would work full time until we felt more caught up with our nest egg (see above in regards to starving artist days) and feel that we have enough saved up in the children's college fund. As much as I would love to work a little less to have more time with the kids, I also don't want to be paying for it when retirement comes around, nor do we want our kids to be saddled with the student loan debt that my husband and I had (we happened to pay off $45K in the school loan debt we had in the past 2 years, but that is a different post altogether). I have a great fear that we will be in our 60's with no money and end up asking my grown children for financial support. So to keep that nightmare from happening, I need to work now, and am happy to do so. Our goal is in the next five years to feel a little more caught up so I can have more options as to changing my career path, if we feel that's where we need to go. For now however, this is where we choose to be.
On location for a photo shoot.
After maternity leave, back to work I went (and will go after this baby is born) with the kids in full time daycare. Fortunately, the boys daycare is on site or "On The Lot" as we say, which makes them a two minute walk from my office. It makes my life so much easier and lessens the mommy guilt that I suffer from because I have the ability to visit them throughout the day, take them to lunch, or even read a story to their classes. Even when they are having a rough day, I can get a call from their teachers, walk down there and do my best to console or talk them through whatever issue is happening.
My husband and I had been working for the same company since 2004, until recently that is. Before this recent change, we had the luxury of carpooling and dropping off the kids at daycare together. We had lunch dates with each other every other day, if not more. We worked a lot, but we also saw each other a lot. That changed as of last summer since he has done a career switch as a restaurant manager as it his dream to one day open up his own restaurant. This has been quite the transition since we went from seeing each other all the time, to seeing each other for a few hours when either of us gets back from work. As you know, restaurants are not M-F, 9-5 gigs, and so our time spent together and his time spent with the boys has probably been cut in half. However, we know this is our choice to live like this. When we do have time when all of us are together, we do not take it for granted and we make the best of it. We also know that this scenario will not be forever and are hoping to change it within the next 12-24 months. Right now that I am on maternity leave, that has changed a bit and I am enjoying seeing him more, but I know once I'm back to work, back to the half days of seeing each other will begin.
Best part of course is that I have had the family I had always dreamed about. I'm still in awe that my husband is mine and my kids are MINE, not due to the fact that people sometimes think I'm their nanny . I am so in love with this little family of mine and can't believe how lucky I am that I have what I have.
On balancing my job and being a wife and mom:
Fortunately my job is exciting and fun, so I usually don't mind going to it everyday. Of course there are days where I am sick of the commute, wished for more time at home with the boys and to just get house stuff done, and the usual office politics that I could do without. I think that is just about every corporate gig though, so I really can't complain, and just learn to deal. Thankfully there are a lot of pluses that outweigh the negatives on most days. Our childcare situation is fantastic. The boys love their school and their teachers. If I didn't have that I am sure I would be more of a wreck. Having the ability to see them at a moments notice, take them out to lunch, read a story to their classes before lunch, nap time or play time is fantastic. One of my favorite things to do is take my son to lunch at the commissary, share an ice cream, and then go back to his class, help him brush his teeth, and then tuck him in for nap time. I know I am so lucky that I have the option to do that during my lunch hour.
Lunch with my biggest boy with "New York Street" as our view.
Keane post Thanksgiving program.
Once the baby starts at the daycare when she is about 6 months, I can walk down to the daycare and nurse her as opposed to pumping throughout the day (yay because I hate pumping!). Another great bonus that the preschool offers are extra curricular activities that we can sign up for extra fees such as soccer, gymnastics, karate and ballet. They also have a hair dresser that comes once a month to cut their hair. All these little perks have been great as it cuts down on the errand running on our weekends. Needless to say, I love our childcare situation.
I also love the environment of working in the TV and Movie business. I love working on my shows and walking on the lot and seeing lots of the most popular shows and even movies being created before my eyes. I always get a big kick out of that even after being there for 10 years. I also appreciate the fact that if I have an audition, I can just go during my lunch hour and dont have to explain to anyone where I'm going. Unlike the days when I was waiting tables, where I would have to worry about getting shifts covered. If an audition happens to take place not within "lunch hour" boundaries, I just don't go, as I know this job is more important than booking an acting gig at this time.
Lastly, if not for the support and true partnership of my husband I don't know how I would manage to juggle all of this. Every morning he wakes up at 5:30 or 6 and does all the morning prep and also gets the boys ready for the day. This is even after nights where he'll come back from the restaurant at 2 am. I always tell him I can manage and he doesn't have to worry on those morning, but he still does it anyway. On days where he has the mornings off, or the whole day to himself at home, he cleans the house from top to bottom (he's the neat freak out of the two of us). On those same days, he also makes dinner so that when we get home at 7, all I have to do is heat it up and not spend an extra half hour or 45 minutes cooking. On nights where he's working and we come home to an empty house, he'll assemble an elaborate track on our Thomas the Train for the boys to play with to let them know he's thinking of them. On days where he opens the restaurant, he picks up the boys from school so that he can have some more one on one time with them. He really is such a hands on husband and father, and I truly would be lost without him helping me balance all of it.
On The Biggest Challenges....
The biggest challenge is the fact that the work day and the kids day at daycare is very long. Our childcare is great, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that it's still a really long day. Before we had the kids, we lived a mere 4 miles away from the office and it would take me 10 minutes at most to get there. When we moved to "The Valley" once Keane was born, that became a 14 mile commute which equals 45 minutes in Los Angeles traffic on a GOOD day. It usually takes an hour. My work day is 8:30-5:30 which means we are out of the house at 7:20 to accommodate traffic and drop off times, and it also means we're home at 7pm. Before 7:20am we obviously have to get the boys dressed and fed, and this has to accommodate for any meltdowns that may occur ranging from they don't like these spoon I gave them to eat with, to they want to wear their Angry Birds t-shirt and not what we picked out the night before. The boys don't know any different so they are used to it, but it absolutely kills me on certain days that their days are that long, and we don't have more time at home in the evenings to spend with one another. It's pretty much, dinner, bath, books and bed when we get home, and very rarely do we have any play time in between. KILLS ME.
Right now that I am on maternity leave, it is a little different as I am not rushed in the morning to drop them off, and we pick them up 2 hours earlier. THIS would be the perfect schedule if at all possible at some point, but in our current non maternity leave lives, it's not possible.
My carpool buddies.
Another challenge that we are currently facing which I mentioned above is the fact that we do not have as much time with my husband as we used to. We went from working in the same office and seeing each other all the time, to seeing each other partial mornings and evenings on weekdays, and half days on weekends. We do once a month full days off that we consciously make an effort to have. Frankly, it sucks but we are making it work for now. I have friends (both men and women) who have families and work as police officers, firefighters, and doctors who have waaay worse hours, so for me to whine about our situatuation would be stupid, because it's manageable. We do plan and hope to make changes because it doesn't change the fact that it's hard on him to not see us as much. We do make sure that when all 4.5 of us are together, whether it be early in the morning or in the evening, we make the best of it. About 3 nights out of the week all of as are at the table having dinner. I live for those nights especially our traditional Friday pizza and movie night which the boys talk about all week long and discuss what movie will be viewed. On weekends where he works nights, we have big elaborate breakfasts together and make sure we go out for a little time in the sunshine before he leaves for work at 2pm.
Sunday morning family time.
Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
It's definitely not ideal, but it's what works for now. I would love to have a shorter commute, a 30 hour work week so I can have more time at home with my husband and the kids. If we are talking about ideal situation and dreams here, it would be actually making use of my SAG membership and booking a job once or twice a month which would probably actually equal my current salary and working a freelance gig part time, whether it be in photo or a job in casting. (On a side note: acting is REALLY lucrative if you book the right job. I have a friend who booked a Doritos commercial when she was 8, and that one commercial paid for her New York University education. Flo in the Progressive commercials, easily a millionaire.) If I had the dream of booking an acting job once a month while doing freelance work, it would allow me to be the mom chauffeur to all the activities for the kids once that part of parenting begins. That would be the dream/ideal situation. I am however a realist and know that if anything, booking an acting gig would be more of a fun one day, once a year, type thing which would help me supplement our income, and I'm perfectly fine with that too.
Do you see yourself making a career change in the next 5-10 years or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
I don't intend on leaving my industry because I do enjoy it. I can see myself shifting roles within the next 5 years. Whether it be in my current position with new responsibilities, or a different role altogether. I would love to stay in my current position with more responsibility, but with the flexibility to do more work from home. We currently have that ability to work from home (which I have done many nights after the boys are down) but we currently do not have a telecommute policy in place. If I could telecommute 2-3 days out of the week and just come in for meetings and photo shoots, that would be perfect in terms of balancing my life at home. If that were to happen, I could see myself staying here for another 10 years.
Once this little girl is born, I am definitely plan on being more active in working on pursuing acting roles. As I mentioned earlier it will not be a career switch as I would've envisioned when I was in my 20s, but more of a hobby/side gig to help supplement our income. If I book one commercial a year (which hopefully shoots on a weekend), that would be more than sufficient to fulfill my financial goals and scratch my chronic itch to act.
Do you have tips on how you make this work for you?
Like many of the previous posters and as I mentioned above, this works for me because my husband and I have a clear vision of what our goal is as a family. We also work very hard together to achieve our goals, as well as make sure all the little day to day things are taken care of. Together we make sure to make an effort to spend quality time with the kids and each other despite our chaotic schedules. His help and support is absolutely crucial in making all of this work. I truly feel lucky to have him as my husband and the father to my kids.
I don't really know if I handle it or just live with it. I'm Catholic so I'm supposed to feel guilty about something at all times right? In all seriousness though, it's always there, I don't really know if there is anything I can do to change it. When I'm with my boys I do my best to be present in the moment, and make sure they know that I am paying attention to them. Not cleaning the house, or thinking about unfinished work, or making dinner, but attending to their needs and the attention they deserve so that they know that they are loved. When I'm with them I just push the mommy guilt aside and enjoy the time I'm spending with them. The guilt usually creeps when I'm working and missing them, and at that point there's not really much I can do. I could go and visit them at school, but I can't do that every hour and disrupt their day. I have it, I live with it, but I don't let it cripple me or influence the way I parent my children. I accept that I do feel guilty for not spending as much time with them as I would like, but I still do my best to be the kind of mom I want to be for them. I hope one day they come to understand that this time I spent at work away from them was also for their benefit. My mom was a working mom, and I truly appreciate all the sacrifices she made for me and my brother. I do not resent her one bit for not staying at home, and I hope my
Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home?
If you have thought long and hard, as well as discussed with your significant other what works best for your family dynamic, and your decision is to return to work, then all will be okay. It is really hard thinking about leaving your child with someone else, especially the last few weeks of maternity leave where your anxiety can be at an all time high, but once you get back to work, all is fine. I believe the key to this is also finding childcare that you absolutely LOVE. Not like, not "they seem okay." You have to LOVE the people that are taking care of your kids. Search high and low for that perfect caregiver because it makes all the difference in the world, for you, your significant other and for your babies.
Also, if you happen to go back to work, and it's not working out, you can always change things. I have had many co workers realize that going back to work is not working out for them, and they do what they need to do so that it becomes possible for them to stay home instead. Nothing is permanent, ever. You can always change things to suit the needs of your family and what makes you happiest, and as long as you prioritize what is best for you and your little ones, it will all be fine.
One last thing to note: Do your best not to compare your situation with others. Do not listen to people who try to make you feel guilty for your decisions. What works for you is what works for you and that is the bottom line. You do not love your kids less for going back to work (even though some people have actually suggested that to me!), the same way you would never say a stay at home mom doesn't "work" because we all know that stay at home moms work so hard at what they do, and it is just as grueling, if not more so than being in the work place. We all do what we do because we love our families, and we as parents should respect everyone's choices, as they should respect ours.